Voices

1/2

2010-06-21T11:21:00.002+08:00

Time is moving ultimately too fast.

It is the 11month this coming 23rd. Who would have thought our one year anniversary is around the corner.

Everybody is back. Surprisingly, I do not feel that excited. Why? God knows why.geez.

Life has been pretty hectic this 4 months. From insurance, telco, f&b/hotel, here I am, working in for a buidling owner company. From learning about Human Resources and adminstration to learning about basics of accounting, I am now learning about building management. Such an eye opener for me. Great experience. 9months working and still looking for further experience with Boustead.

It has been 5 months that I have stopped cigarettes. I rarely drink too and the best part is, I finally save money. Impossible? Believe it.

My newest crave is sheesha. Starlight @ Ampang, Jalan Damai is just the best sheesha outlet that I've been. Absolutely a great place to chill and they serve great food too. Caffinees is the name of the restaurant.

I have been thinking so much lately. Im gonna be 21 in two months time. Time is catching up! And I am 50% to achieving my goals. Five more years to go. Patience is all I need to do.

Things I really need to do is, spending more time with the lord.Hard, but possible!

Things to look forward. My anni, My birthday, Meeting up with friends who came back from everywhere, and most importantly, my wimbledon!

Thats about it!

ciao!

Steady

2010-02-03T13:07:00.002+08:00

I like the word steady!.. "Steady sial, steady wei , steady yo". WADEVA! steady <3 .haha

Everybody's life has drama in it. A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming. You just cannot run away from drama. The more you avoid it, it gets worse. Sometimes questions often asked " Why your life got so many drama?" or you hear people gossipping "Eh, I pity him/her , she/he got so many drama".. This is an AISEH situation.

Dramatic experience is not logical. But, if you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.

I love my life. Therefore, I wonder why people often go "I hate my life". A life was given to you. You have a reason to be here. Dont hate the life, hate yrself for makign your life the way it is.

Like all the saying goes "appreaciate what you have now". Hell, I do. Do you?

The end.

Diary Post 1 (On Bee's Book) - I'd rather type.

Dear diary,

6 months has gone by so quickly. Yet, I am still standing here. A place, a position that I always wanted to be. Words can express how I feel but showering my love for you makes me alive. I have become so much more a better person now. Is love a light for me? Yes, it is. A steady light glowing on my face everytime you are near to me . Just by seeing you from afar, I'd smile.

"What is love?" you might ask..It's a feeling in both of our minds and body.A strong passion and a chemistry one might say. To me, it is like the feeling of longing to be near and close to you all the time. All the long talks, boiling porridge about nothing or the laughter and sharing about nearly everything. Them eyes, just filled with devotion not wanting to imagine life without the other. Times that we do nothing together and still having the best time.Well, I think, you know the answer already.

Listen to your heart with open ears and you will hear the answer...it is very clear.

We often argue, but you just seem so powerful. I get distracted so often. Strangely, I never hated you ever before. I hated my attitude. My bad-tempered attitude. Yet, you seem very patient. Trouble is part of life and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough. I always wanted to give you the best of everything. I might not earn or have SO much money but yet I'd still want you to have the best. It might not BE like THE BEST, but at least I know I've tried.

I feel like lucky that I could see the best out of you. I can see and feel that you have also change alot for me. I love the way you are now. Although, I do not like it when you are not eating.

This couple of weeks has made our relationship even stronger. Day by day, you are taking over my heart. Oh diary, are you already feeling geli with the way I express it?

The times we spent in the night market or going to different places to eat or being in the car attacking each another. Those laughters which money cant buy. Memories will always have space to be kept in my small lil brain. Like my pika always say "your puney lil brain". haha.

I am slowly beginning to understand you. I am very honest to you. Truth like 99%. Saying 100% is what an idiot would say. I love the hugging moments. The snores.

I have done so many mean things. I have said so many mean things to you too but yet you still love me that much. AWWWWWW.I feel like slapping my mouth. Dear diary, I am really very sensitive and emotional, I am sorry that you have to deal with it. I do not like that fact that you think too much sometimes. I do not like the whole negatively attitude.

Dear Diary, if I would to leave the world without a notice, I would not have any regrets to bring along for having my beeboo was already one of the greatest thing I have.

Often I give surprises to so many people or trying and trying to think of something or often plan. But with you, I feel like without planning, the outcome is always so beautiful. You suprised me so many times and deep down, i feel so blessed and love. I might not show you that I feel blessed and love but deep down in me, even my heart teared in joy.

Dear diary, this ink will never fade or it will never be gone for its typed and its on public. So, its not a secret for I do really love my beeboo.

I still have so many thigns to say. Why am i so long winded. gosh. To be continued.

Signing off with love,

nainai

the end

To be noted : I love my family very much too and certain of my friends. This diary was directly to the one I love. haha.wth.

WHAT?CNY IS HERE ALREADY. I STILL HAVE YET TO GET A NEW HAIRCUT.GREAT. Where is my choi san yeh went I need you? GENTING CALLS. weee~

Have a great chinese new year peeps.

To len and tien :

Happy chinese new year my ever loving peepotpie. Great panda and ama misses you. I really do okay. haha, piks, remember, you were in my chinese new yaer open house last year? through webcam! ahaha.hugs. take care yea. STUDY HARD BOTH OF YOU! kiss

Clue

2010-01-18T08:50:00.002+08:00

I guess I am just not the one you would open up when your feeling down or so.

Why do I dislike you so much?

1. You make me jealous

2. You are always the source that causes the problem

3. So what if you know my bee longer.

4. You are sayang-ing my bee

I am not jealous because of you. I am jealous that I did not get to see the bee the way you see - The way my bee always was. Sometimes I just wish I was you. You make my bee smile more then I get too. You comfort my bee all the time. Maybe if you wouldnt have give up last time, you guys will be just perfect.

Why do I always get the frowns the hidden secrets, or the clueless mind? Am I sensitive or maybe Im not.

Nothing is perfect and so is nobody is perfect.

Love is a true mental illness.

I am trying in all ways to not bother about you. I know you have nothing with my bee but I just dislike you. Since I have my own, I shal not complain. Close friends. I just have to be understanding and believe in fate. Thinking too much ruins everything.

Loving you was suppose to be a happy thing but why do I feel like im not making you happy. I feel like I am causing more pressure for you. Making your life even more dramatic.

I just need to get away for a while. take a whole day out. Just myself, and maybe cameron highlands. Top of the hills with wind whispering through my ears.

beautiful

Good morning monday.

Fearless

2010-01-17T20:40:00.002+08:00

Oh, WHAT a breathtaking journey of twists and turns!

I am feeling really lightheaded. That same old giddy feeling. I believe that I am about to faint. Lack of glucose I guess ? Wait, lack of sleep sounds more accurate.

Everything is moving in such a breakneck pace. Chinese New Year is around the corner. wow. Time, just so amazing how it moves so rapidly. Oh time, the cradle of hope and wisdom walks before it, opportunity with it, and repentance behind it.

Interesting, it is to be in a position of stability. Still working on bad habits. Improving day by day. Rome wasn't built in a day. Miraculously, commitment is what I am in for good now. I love every single day. Yes, every single day.

Small arguments, fights, disagreements. Not a bad thing after all. Its a part of understanding.

*end*

Lately, I have been hanging out alot. Pool is love now. haha.

Frankly, I am not weird. But I feel so happy with my everyday just because of you. I never get bored. I do not know why. Damn it, you are just the light that is shining at me right now. I see you everyday. Makes me real happy.

I miss you although you just left an hour ago.

ahhhh

nights <3

Pure

2010-01-12T01:54:00.002+08:00

Fairytale love. Too good to be true?

Why am I so afraid? Why do I still get all the brain irritation mumbling "nonsense" ? I am a freak when it comes to sensitivity. The suffer from indigestion of the mind. I oftenly think so much. Just a little silence or face reaction, I get so absurd. Damn, illogical.

Couples fight out of arguments, out of jealousy or whatsoever but we fight over having too much love and being afraid of losing one another. This is where "fate and believe" comes. I just want you to trust me. There is no fate, but your own fate. People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become and they pay for it simply,by the lives they lead. It is all in the mind. Mistakes are meant to happen. Learn from it and try not to fall.

To live, it is not breathing, it is action.

I never believe I would ever find a love so full of passion and joy. Here I am, having the most wonderful lovely other half. My forehead is glowing. My smile is wider. Oh, love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. Do you not see how powerful you are against me. GREAT.

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. No?

Everything I do now, I see a path. A light shining through me. I feel so in placed. Everything about you make me feel so alive. Gosh, I feel so happy. watthemotherfuck. I have been expressing so much and it all ends up in the same meaning of "jess, you are just so fking in love".

This sounds really over-reacting but what I need to live has been given to me by the earth. and why I need to live has been given to me by you. Oh yes, family comes first but my the other half is second.

I just can't wait for time to pass a lil faster. I just cant help thinking how annoying we are. It is just so cute. The only reason why sometimes I wanna keep a distant, is because I am afraid you will get bored of me and who knows, I might realyl be annoying to you one day. AWW

see you in a while.

kiss

Absence

2009-12-29T10:12:00.002+08:00

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. Having no communication with you for awhile is like drinking coffee without sugar. Sounds dramatic but it is how it is. bleh~

Minutes slowly go by as the precious thought of a brand new year is about to begin in a few days time. Questions like "So, jess, what did you do this year" strikes me every new year since I was 14years old.

Hellen makes sense when she said

" I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second "

*laughs*

Absence. An excuse? I have no idea at all. I guess I am just lost in the world where people keep in close contact with the ones they care or love but...not me. Problem, unsolved problem. What the hell. I enjoy my life the way it is now. It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. sheesh

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. I deeply pray for one of my sisters friends mother who is going through cancer.

Few more days of mental torture. wee~

New year eve with len and granny? Sounds really relaxing but what are we gonna do?hmmm.

The Sound of Jingles

2009-12-22T13:27:00.005+08:00

Christmas mood = Zero

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. oh wtvr~

I still think Mid Valley Megamall has one of the best deco in all festivals. Second comes Pavilion.

There is so much to be done yet I have no idea where should I begin. I realise I am bad in keeping contacts with friends around me. Why? (honestly,I do not know either)

I miss my past moments though but I do not wish that I could go back to where I was back then.

2010 is nearing and hell yea I am excited. A good start to a brand new year.

What am I really looking forward at?

CHINESE NEW YEAR BABY!

nyek nyek nyek

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ya'll!

Odds

2009-12-14T11:50:00.003+08:00

I used to feel the excitement of your return. What is happening? Changes do happen but I guess I'd never expect a drastic change like that.

Often I question myself "why do you even feel so distracted by it?" yet, I find it so hard to seek for an answer.

Time will tell. Is that the only conclusion there is? To me, things do fade away. There is a limit to everything. Toleration and patience is all I can swallow. Deep within me, I just feel like a rock, but a crushed one.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Life is all about facing the reality and accepting the facts of it. Guess, it is not plain as it looks like. The uneasiness and the feeling of distress will always be there. Same plain oh crap.

We need not destroy the past for it is gone. If I can deal with it, why can't you? Difficult as it may sound, did you even try? Fed up is a close feeling that I am about to face yet I am not giving up on this friendship that we've build up together.

Love you piks

.........

Anyway, hello monday. I am glad that I have been making use of my time really wisely somehow. I miss my beetch.

Next week will be my most happiest week of all time. I am not going to gamble for a long time. Terrible money luring. How could I? Damn it.

Lennie is back and yes, I watched Twilight TWICE already. I miss lennnnnnnnnie. Why do I need to work? HAHA. stupid question. oh what the heck!

FB = Fucking Busybody <3

What's next? Malacca love.

Decoliday

2009-12-07T17:36:00.008+08:00

December, a month of never-ending fun.

I should start bringing my camera everywhere I go. I do not even remember where I've went already.

Last Last week was : -
Red Box (Pav),
Neway(SS15) ,
7th Floor (LCS)
Utopia (Damansara Perdana)
Maison
Genting.

where else?See, without camera, my memory is like a 70th year old grandma

OH HOW CAN I FORGET, jenna is in kk now. GOSH. Oh jen, I called you cause I thought of you, not because of emo sessions. SHEESH. xoxo

Last week was : -

all about Penang and spending time with my beeness!

Evern is really the most energetic person I've ever met. She only slept 2 hours and she still could drive to penang! Me, april and vern and vern's super cool mum decided to go on a trip to penang. Yes, it was just ONE DAY.but I still had alot of fun and of course I ate, but in some point, I am pretty disappointed at the food. It isn't as tasty as it used to be. I guess KL is the real bomb diggity now.

First time seeing 3 queen size bed in one room. Loves it.

Me and evern

Me and april

(if you notice, it was ralph lauren day!)

haha

FYI, this is in Mum's Place at damansara perdana. FUCKING spicy that I felt like my tongue had stroke for a sec.

I love this the most. I can just gobble up everything

Evern's going on a super long trip. Will miss you babe! awww~

This week's plan

Joyie is back and my two loves are coming back.

Vicky's b,bday on Wed's night. Fairness girl I've ever met.

Meeting Foo. Omg, I've not seen you for a year.

I am really trying to adapt to this whole milk thing. Lactose is just bad. FUCKING annoying.
It is like eating for a sec and shitting at the other sec.I should just starve. ugh

My boss is on leave tomorrow till next week. What does that say?
When the boss is away, work becomes holiday.
Awesome.

Things has been really smooth for me. It is just that smooth feeling, that breath of fresh air. Oh well, the best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. No? Love is being stupid together. haha.

p/s : I am indeed worried of this month? Why ? *paused*..the end.

To Gardens with <3

2009-11-23T02:15:00.021+08:00

One word, Tiring!

7am = Church.

Pastor was the bomb. 2012 was today topic and it sums it up, "you do not need to be scared of the disasters happen as we will be saved in heaven".

Taman desa has a kopitiam now. "whoa". Hailam Kopitiam. It is good in ways but service needs ALOT of improvement. I ordered 3 half boiled eyes which means 6 eggs *duh*.The waitress really gave me 3 eggs. I just stoned and say "wth" and laughed all the way.

And yes, I was at sushi zanmai again. Loves it there, ALWAYS. *sneaky laugh*

Gardens it was for today with evern, kevin, didi.

Halfway eating evern suggested "lets go cheong k!". Knowing that we missed the buffet,but who cares la right. Sang alllllllll the way till 2.

Didi and I

Evern and Kev

Look at my luck with dice! 5 4's!

Look how red her face is!haha

DD!

Evern's hello kitty

She wolf! dang!

Kevin sings realllllllllllllllllllllllllly well.omg.I was like in fantasy island through out the whole time.Yes, it was thatttttttttt good!

I still love justin's meng ngan!

The best thing of today was, hello kitty paradise.hahaha

Front seat of evern's car!

Cute rightttttttttt! i know

Nothing beats this!

Had soooooooo much fun!

Work again tomorrow.ugh.

YES! PAYS COMING OUT THIS THURSDAY and Friday is a public holiday.Hallelujah to that!

When I..

2009-11-20T18:30:00.004+08:00

Office : A place to feel boredom if you never feel bored.

Guess what?

I found the damn documents by sneaking into my project manager's room. THERE IT WAS.
All I did was "oh my fucking god, there you are". All my boss did was, "please make a photocopy". So, after 7 hours of search, it comes to a conclusion that, I have just wasted my time.

In the office, everything you do, whether it is right, you are wrong. So, patients is a virtue.

You will definitely feel this ;

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

When I make a mistake, I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

The toilet is all yours by doing this!

All you do is lift it up and its all yours.

See who seats in it!

As a result : You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

Oh what the heck la, everyone has to go through this, I LOVE WORK....not

Hitting counters tonight for Shauna's Bday. Sweeeeet~

Australia hates me

2009-11-19T18:13:00.005+08:00

Yes, Australia hates me.

Everything around me is just either studying in australia, going to go to australia or stays in australia. So tell me, why haven't my working visa been approved yet? *knnccb*

Being involve and committing in a relationship is a total "you-better-think-wisely" kinda thing.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast:
the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

This is the funniest advertisement post up on star newspaper. First look at it, I just burst out laughing.

The Mother Trucker, Just Got Meaner.
Nissan is the shit.Who wouldn't remember Navara, Nissan.
Cause,damn it, I would!

The J's were hanging out at Mj @ damansara and I've never laugh so much since like a month already. Oh, and jan, this is just a small video for you. Funs of it my friend. Miss you loads!

oh and jenna was semi naked in MJ! haha

I bet your saying *bitch!*. Love you JEN! XD

Work was not good. I repeat. NOT GOOD at all.
Yes, I pretty much lost a document.
And yes, I feel so awfully bad but my boss wouldn't accept the fact that it is LOST.
Thanks to yours truly. I do not even know what to say because I just don't remember where on mother earth would it be. To note, it was a month ago. I touched more then a hundred memorandums. So, people makes mistake.
Maybe 'opppps?' shall do good!
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. So yea, fuck work.

Skyping with joyie now hearing a rock song and she is singing like a toddler. haha. I STILL FINISH HEARING IT RIGHT? you know you love me! XD

Damn it, it is friday tomorrow, yet again. Good, time oh time, please past faster.
Tomorrow will be your last day. Yes, I would regret if I do not do anything!.
The present is a point just passed and the future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.

It is 50% for pool today.Oh yes!

It is indeed an ang-moh day tomorrow. *sweeeet*

Bids Bye

Series Addict

2009-11-18T17:46:00.008+08:00

Ian Somerhalder is love!
Heard of the Vampire Diaries? no?
Three hearts. Two immortal . One torn.

If you would to just stare at those eyes. melts . FYI, it is NOT the same as Twilight.

Damon Salvotore (Ian Somerhalder)

Elena Gilbert ( Nina Dobrev)

Stefan Salvotore ( Paul Wesley)

Anyway, it is only episode 9 now. Do watch this series! *promotes promotes*

I watched time travellers wife yesterday at mid valley's gsc cinema with my utmost quietest friend ever, hsueh chuen. I swear I no longer like normal cinemas. I am practically glued to signature gardens! I actually had leg cramps caused by the small seating space and my backbone felt so uneasy. Great.just great.

Movie was a so-so. It is unique in ways but lack of the "pow".If you started by reading the book first, disappointments will just hit you right at your face. I see so many people weeping yet I was only distracted by one thing ;The smell in the cinema. Can you imagine having sushi smell on your right and mcdonalds french fries behind you? and all you had was just a popcorn. Now,THAT my friend is a real distraction.

OH 2012, when oh when will I watch you?

Yay, twilight's new moon is out on the 26th and guess who am I watching it with. None other than my piggy lennie la' len. I shall patiently awaits for December to come!

I really do think I am in love with vampires. haha.

Work was pretty much carefree today. Qad is back on 3rd, D&L is back on 10th and many more. I wish I had no work on December. Screw you, work. It has only been two days knowing you. What a small world? I never thought that you would show up today but suddenly you came and somehow I smiled so widely. *hidden smiles somemore*. It has been long since I felt my heart just pounded so slowly and sadly you will only be here till friday. Oh, what can I possibly do? gee

Down with flu yet again. ugh.

Good-bye.

P/s : Talking about self-control. One word, amazing. Yes, I am proud that I can control myself =)

Unbelievable

2009-11-15T13:32:00.013+08:00

I had no idea what happened this week. Seriously it is like "woooosh", a week has just passed.
Bloody hell, time should pass faster till december. HURRAY!

Pool, drinking, pubbing, clubbing,gambling. What a week.

It was my first ever time entering the casino.This might sound weird, but I actually find it boring at first until I started having guts to bet. The thrill plus heart-pounding moments got me being in the casino for about 4 hours. haha. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT NOW. shit. addiction will happen I know.

I finally remembered the taste of tau sa pang! omg.That totally reminds me that I HAVE TO GO TO PENANG. damn it. but for what. KL is the bomb already. Ok, no penang it is. I really just can't wait for next year. It will be me and aus and me and europe. OMG. I cant wait to see all of you. From melbourne to sydney to london to switz. jesus. Say goodbye BOUSTEAD. Travel is what I love doing most.

I should go stalk david tutera. I want his brains. ish.

Oh well, I wouldn't say I don't think of you at all. At least now, it is not everyday but just once in a while. Yea, I do miss you sometimes. Lots of things still reminds me about us. haha. Oh wtvr. glad we're still friends. Sometimes I prefer us like this, just so simple and without any complications and worries.

New year is coming! 2010. I have to start thinking of how to make it the most memorable day. I prefer new year then christmas. WEIRD HUH .

A glimpse of 2009 new year.

I miss 2007-2008. Good lord. I seldom miss things. This is so bad.

Placebo - Running Up That Hill is really good.

I happen to pass this blog that has a song tag on it, which is really good.

Tamia - Officially Missing You.

I look forward to the next genting trip. HEEHEE. I am actually proud that I can control drinking. Recently I got really tipsy, I think it was out of the free shots that I took plus the beers. It is really funny. Have you ever tried messaging someone when you are in tipsy stage. And it is the same person that you always message when your tipsy. It would be really embarrassing if it was someone else. Love you piks! You have no choice but to deal with it.haha!

Have a great week. Yipppee

Alive

2009-11-08T16:56:00.002+08:00

I feel so much more alive now.

Those two hours of my voicing out moments was just the thing I needed! I am really glad that things are cleared out.

I had a talked with geoff and seriously, sometimes I just dont know how in the world that we end up not talking after one and the half years. I could still remember about the times that we've spend together and to be able to talk to him like that and still feel so comfortable as I use to be, I actually had fun. Real fun after such a long tormenting moments.

I am already growing pimples and this is really bad.

I really have to start loving myself and learn to have fun.

AFTERALL, I am still a freaking 20 year old and I have to stop thinking that I am getting older and striving for that success is making me brain damaged and practically, I am losing myself. Life is suppose to be simple. not easy but simple.

I love myself.

haha

Breathing

2009-11-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

Success and failure.

We think of them as opposites, but they're really not. They're companions like the hero and the sidekick.

Things are really great now.

I can actually stop thinking about it already.

Friends. Last longer I suppose? with no intensity involved.nothing much of difference I guess.hahaaaaa

I love every fridays. GOSH. I cant wait for damn december. I have 3 friday holidays that makes it thursday night till sunday night FREE. and still get paid. perfect.

Song addiction : Two is better than one by boys like girls , need you now by lady antebellum

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

2009-11-05T19:54:00.002+08:00

Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can’t fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call  but I lost all control and I need you now. 
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door.
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

Don't walk away just like that.

Wind

2009-11-05T18:29:00.002+08:00

You left without saying a thing.

You left without even saying goodbye.

You left just like that.

Without a sound , just like a wind your blown away.

It is only damn "fact" for anyone to hate you if they are in my position. Why won't I hate you?
After all that is happening I still hope for the best for you.
This is so not jess.
Great

Who am I kidding?

2009-11-02T18:05:00.002+08:00

Deep down, I just can feel that your heart belongs to someone else already.

Day by day, I can actually feel the far distance separating us. We are growing apart even more. I do not even know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.

I am really tired of putting so much hope into this knowing that all I have is just disappointments in the end. Why can't you just tell me now, at this very instant "Its over". Why are you making things complicated for the both of us? Are you testing me? This whole time-off thing is not going anywhere. One things for sure , I am much more relaxed now. I can actually breathe.

I guess, all I just want to know is the truth. The truth will set me free but firstly it will make me miserable.

Why are you even doing this at the first place?

You ARE thattttt distracting till its becoming annoying towards me which actually make me feel like I'd rather be depress loving my ex then having you. At least, it doesn't haunt me and great memories always stays till this very day.

Oh what the heck. After all the complains, I am still very much into you. haha. Screw you Jess.

All I need is "pool" now.

p/s : Song of the day : I don't wanna miss a thing

This is it

2009-10-31T21:05:00.003+08:00

This is it was great. I could imagine it would be a blast if it really happened.

I did not expect you to come. But you did. Somehow I felt comfortable. It felt like the times before we started. Those hidden smiles. haha. A smile costs nothing but gives much. OH, 2 more weeks. I would hold on to it but would you? What do you feel right now?

Sometimes I wish I could put my name there but I just cant. Oh well. "Passerby". I should have put something more normal. like. "anonymous". Simple ain't it. Surprisingly, I find this guy really unique in ways. You can actually feel his ego but somehow there is a soft side in him which portrays a balloon. If he would have a positive mindset, he would have done better. This is the first time I am actually judging on someone without knowing him in reality. Wait, I wouldn't even want to know him in reality anyway.

You called after so long. After 6 months. How do you expect me to react? Yes, I am still paranoid. Sometimes I do think about you, but, never in a good way. I do wish you would stay away from me, like forever. Just because, you freak the shit out of me. And you cheated. Oh my god, you have a girlfriend makes you unavailable PLUS I see the fucking engagement ring. "IF only I knew you first, things can change if you give me a chance". What do I look like to you? A relationship splitter? Eventhough I do not know your wife-to-be, I feel guilty already.

It would be my turn to say this to you "IF only I knew earlier you were attached, nothing would have started". You are the past. "We need not destroy the past". It is gone!

I think I am really sensitive to cold air. This is bad.

Bye.

p/s : I really do miss you

Hyped

2009-10-27T21:37:00.002+08:00

How can anyone not be hyped out by www.hypethembeats.com ?

Music is what feelings sound like. Why am I so into trance? I really wish I could dance like all the poppers and shufflers. There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.

I am surprised that I could actually laugh today. Wait, maybe not. It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. That is what they all say, a laugh is a smile that burst.

I was hearing Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone. The song actually fits my situation well.

Doesn't music just express it all for you? haha

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I do wonder what are you doing.
Damn it, I sound like a depressed child on loose.

Why do people always say "dude,just let go la"
Saying it always makes it sound so simple.
NYEH NYEH!

I am aiming for toto! haha. 8 million jackpot. FUH!
My boss asked "girls,do you guys want to win 8 million?"
My friend was just stoning showing the wtf look and go "who doesnt?"
My head is still filled with accounts. What an accounting day!

I am really looking forward for December. I can't wait for 2010 to start. Who needs a diary when our memory is the diary that we all carry with us.

OH, POP goes the weasel.

Torment

2009-10-27T01:53:00.003+08:00

A goodbye isn't that painful unless you're never going to say hello again.

Every minute is leading to an extension of a bigger hole in the heart.
I don't even know if I can actually go through this with a smile on my face.
I could feel the rush of tears awaiting to flow. Yet, what can I even do?
Yes, nothing.

Patience is all I have left. One moment of patience may ward off great disaster but one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

A tale of two humans with language barrier. *pause* 30% language barrier. It is awkward as time-out is equivalent to "end". Doesn't it occur to you that, with this time-out, it might really end? Arguments are such a bitch. All thanks to fucking facebook. I should have just acted like I didn't know you had a blog. Pathetic.

I always wanted to get a M.U jersey for you just because I know you always wanted to have one. I'm actually glad that you have a little something of me on you now, although it is just a shoe but *whatever*. I really wish I could print your name out on it and place birthday number on it as the number. Your very own jersey. aww

Your asleep now, and here I am sitting here feeling so empty in mind. I hate it when I feel this way. Love is a true killer and jealousy is a mental cancer.

All I have is just imaginations. Thinking about your teeth less smile makes me smile.

Distractions.

Goodnight.

Blinded

2009-10-26T21:00:00.004+08:00

Have you ever wonder if you feel out of place?

Its the sense. The feeling of "what am I holding on to?".

Love is blind, or so it's said, as if the eyes had failed to notice things that others see.

Weird thing is, I actually handle it well this time. Minor pain with an unforgettable image still stuck in my head. I have to admit, by far, this blindfold love has really pull me down to the drain for good. Yet, a memory worth to keep. I'm trying to break free in ways but no matter what I do, you've got such a hold on me that I'll never get away from you. Oh well, like you've always said "why must things be so complicated?, all I want is something simple". How simple can things be? Give me a huge sign. Uh-Huh,like that's what I need.

I guess it is time for me to just willingly let go. I 'd rather be a silent supporter behind you. I know I will always be there watching you, smiling as I see you smile. You know, what the heck, why do humans always think of all the bad times and not the good times. I should be happy it once happened. Frankly, I really never regret a single moment.

*the end*

Caffeine really kicked in well today. I am a 90% lactose intolerant. At least I can still drink milo and nescafe ice in the mamak stalls. BUT, i have to bear the outcome of it. Conclusion is, toilets are my best friend when it comes to milky products and all dairy products. Work was never-ending today somehow.

I actually miss my high school life. *pause*. A sudden feeling. Oh,and college too. So much memory, filled with uncountable encounter of fucked moments and really happy moments. I'd say, I'm never in college,so , all i remember is my two beloved chokies that I do still think alot about till today.

Ok, yumcha calls.

p/s : The leaves still falls, but the flower never stop growing

6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating

2009-10-25T17:04:00.000+08:00

I read this article and find it quite true and its fun.

It’s every woman’s worst relationship fear — that her man is cheating. We’ve all heard the statistic: half of all men cheat. And some experts say that number is even closer to three quarters. Could it be happening to you? Aside from finding lipstick on his collar, a mysterious condom in his pocket or, yes, a phone number on a napkin,there are some red flags to watch out for to tip you off that something fishy might be going on. The following are six signs that should raise your eyebrows:

*jeng jeng jeng*

1. He’s Acting Differently.
The most telltale sign of a cheating man is that he’s acting differently than the way he used to. If any of the signals below describe your guy’s usual actions, don’t freak out and immediately assume he’s having an affair; he’s probably just being his quirky self. What you should be suspicious of is new developments, says Barbara Feld, LCSW, a couple’s therapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City. She says you should ask yourself, “Is what’s happening different than normal? Is he showing a real change in behavior?” If he’s always been private, hasn’t ever had the highest sex drive, or often flakes out on plans, that’s just who he is. It’s when he starts to be that way and never was before that you should start asking questions.

2. He’s Avoiding You.
If your guy has suddenly started coming home much later, seems to be making excuses to be out of the house, starts going away with out you on the weekends, or just generally seems to be avoiding you, that’s a clear indication of trouble in your relationship. M. Gary Neuman, a licensed family counselor and the author of “The Truth About Cheating” found that 61 percent of cheating men said they started spending more time away from home. 55 percent of men about to cheat said the same thing. No matter how busy your guy may be, he should be making an effort to see you (because, hello – he loves you, right?). If he’s stopped making time for you, it’s not at all unreasonable to wonder if he’s making time for someone else.

3. You’re Having Less/Different Sex.
You might think that cheating men stop sleeping with their partners completely. But that’s not always the case. According to M. Gary Neuman, a little less than half of cheating men report having less sex with their partner. Others keep having sex so that they don’t raise suspicions – sneaky b------ s. So be alert to the amount of sex you’re having, but most of all, pay attention to the quality of the sex. Therapist Barbara Feld says sometimes when a guy is having an affair, the quantity of sex remains the same, but it’s the sex itself that changes. Maybe it used to be very romantic, and feel more like making love, and now it just feels like plain old sex.

4. His General Response to You Has Changed.
If a guy is having an affair, he may stop acting like the sweet, romantic man you fell in love with. Maybe he used to be very loving and kind towards you, but now he seems to get annoyed easily, be critical, or pick fights. If he’s consistently not being affectionate with you, don’t brush it off. Try to figure out why he’s different – and what could be distracting him, or making him feel guilty.

5. He Has Suddenly Become Very Private.
It’s just not normal for your guy to always go into a different room to answer calls, keep his cell phone in his car, or get really private about his bills (unless, of course, your man is a privacy freak and you knew that going in). But if he suddenly stops checking his e-mail in front of you, has turned the bathroom into a phone booth, and has redirected the bills to his office, it’s a fair guess than an affair is under way.

6. He is Unreliable
Quite simply, says Barbara Feld, “is he where he says he will be?” If he’s never where he says he’s going to be, it’s a certain sign he’s lying to you about something. Maybe he says he’ll be at the office, but you call and he’s not there. Or he says he’s with a friend, and that friend then calls looking for him. Everyone’s plans change sometimes, but if your guy is consistently not where he says he will be, it’s very possible it’s because he’s with another woman.

Funny but quite true huh. See, guys, never date a girl who takes up psychology course.
Girls, is your guy cheating on you?

See,this benefits both sides somehow. no?

p/s : Everyday feels like a further distance.

Pilot - Epi 1 (Life)

2009-10-25T14:21:00.000+08:00

Here I am, blogging again.

Life, of Life.

Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process
Sometimes, why do people take life so carefree?
I am indeed an ass when it comes to questioning.

Life is just like a game. Nobody wants to lose(die) so fast.
Everyone wants to achieve their mission(goals) and advance to the next round(success).

All we have is time. Time passes by like a gust of wind.
"Time is all I got", says many.
Why do people like to predict the coming days when nothing has been done in their present days?
Our era of generations are equivalent as "no problem".
Everybody is selfish. Everybody complains.
Have you ever thought about the complains you've been making?

Is money really everything?
This is one of the "yes/no" answer.
What is your answer to this?

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
So, have you been making your life worth your years that you had lived?

*the end*

A joy of happiness shall shower me this whole week.
1) The accountant is back
2) Michael Jackson's Premier
3) 29th
4) November is here (which makes December nearer)
5) I am going to win 8million from toto lottery. *haha*

Sometimes I have no idea why must I be so hard headed and complicated.
Shouldn't I feel contented?
Sensitive. How do I deal with this character of mine?
Why do I always feel like it has always been my fault?
I am really tired of making most of the moves.
It is just not easy letting go of something even if you want to.
Is the sparkle still there?
I must have put too much charcoal into the bbq pit and no matter how much i put,the fire would go off somehow.
All I just want you to know is "why can't you just open up".
I know you always wanted a simple love thing. Isn't it simple enough already?

Like napoleon dynamite goes : GOSH!

Lennie and Deanie is coming back from aussieland. Hallelujah.
And yes, I really miss you so much. I actually said it. haha.

Goodbye.

p/s : What is the real meaning of "end"?